It has been long since i wrote something so decided that I had to jot down something....dont have anything in particular to talk about( now when did I really have???) ..not that it matters to me much.I can talk and talk for hours without really meaning anything.Well this time , a lot has happened in my life from the last entry that I posted...dont know if that can or should b included in this blog entry....well who cares..I will just pour myself out n if sumthin comes out in the process....well well i did not do it intentionally..

 

okkkk now that I say I did not do it intentionally...i remember this song in the radio nowadays about putting the blame on someone...the music wasnt sumthin which attracted me much...but yes the lyrics were good...whenever something goes wrong we try to place the blame on someone and when it does not work then some of us gather the courage to speak up or own up.Others still make a futile attempt to place the blame somewhere else...and at times they succeed in this too.It is like the modified musical chair game wherein a ball is passed from one person to another and before the music stops you try to hand it over to someone.This song talks about this blame factor....

 

When something goes wrong y do we try to first find out who was or is responsible for it...y dont we try to remedy this?? when there is an accident , the first action is to catch hold of the faulty driver and give him a good bashing....who bothers about taking the poor victim to the hospital?? When something goes wrong,the first thought in our mind is"who is to be blamed for this" do we ever try to find out how can we improve the condition causing the least damage??

 

i know it is very important to find out where we went wrong but that does not necessarily mean putting the blame on someone....its is not a constructive method...the pproach should be to find out how can we make the damage minimum and learn from it so that we do not have to face the same situation twice....

 

Many a time when we blame someone for something....we are subconsciousely trying to clear ourselves from the blame...bcoz somewhere deep within we know we too might be responsible for the act if not directly ....indirectly...It is bcoz we r too scared of consequences ( now plz do not assume that I am an exception to this ....i m scared of owning up even if i have done sumthin gud bcoz i m never sure if i have doen sumthin gud at all...poor me..tsk tsk!!! ))

 

okkk okkk the person who wrote that song might not have thought so much about blame as i am thinking right now....am i guilty of something?? am i trying to justify my actions for some blame that i might have delegated to someone?? who knows!!!...blame it on me that i might have forgotten

Heyyy I am back again and this time I really have lots to write about but dont have enough time.....usually its the opposite. When I was first told about my probable US visit by my boss, I was excited , apprehensive ,happy n what not....all emotions toppling over one another...but yes it had been a long wait from then....first for the visa and then for the final date of actual take off.

 

I had been told on many occasions that the lines on my palm did not show any probable visit to any foreign country....poor me !!! I had wondered if I would ever be able to go to Nepal or not....But then when my boss told me about the trip. I was initially very excited and then I remembered those "prophecies" and sobered down considerably.My boss was puzzled....the other guy who was going with me was so very much excited.The other guy even has a girlfriend whom he would not be seeing for two whole months and still was not feeling that bad and here was me with no apparant " ties" ( read boyfriend ) and still not excited about the forthcoming trip....Even my parents were not that much worried although they would be have to stop their match hunting temporarily.Everybody seemed to be happy about it except me.I knew what an embarrasing thing it would be when my visa would get rejected as i was sure that would be the only way I would get stopped from going.

 

But the visa interview happened coolly....i had imagined a whole panel of interviewers grilling you like it happened during the campus placement interviews ...with me sitting on one side of the table and they shooting questions after questions at me.....but to my utter relief nuthin of the sort happened.There was a lady sitting behind a counter just like those railway ticket counters and I got my "ticket" for Amrika.

 

The next phase was the endless shopping that had to be done to have an appreciable wardrobe ....oh how i hated this particular phase....on one hand I am being made to do something which I so so much hate and then I m being made to pay for that too....now u can see what sacrifices one has to make to reach the great United States of America ( even though for 2 months only )

 

The other guy....oh well i guess i should give his name too.....as I have to mention him quite a few times in the next few blogs of mine...ok so his name is abhishek....ok can we use A instead of the full name...would save me a whole lot of trouble....

 

So A was very very excited about going to the united states of A but was desperately trying to hide his enthusiasm lest people make undue fun of him....so he suggested reaching the airport some 8 hours b4 the flight....our flight being at 11 p.m and he wanting to be at the airport by 3p.m .....I just could not dissuade him that even if we reached 4 hours earlier taking into consideration the 15th aug high security we would be there on time..finally my boss took pity on me and persuaded him to atleast make that 6 hours.....so we were there at the airport by 5 p.m for a flight that was to take off at 11 p.m.....well i guess first timers do such silly things and we can be excused for that....but the security officials did not excuse us so easily giving us the occasional nasty gaze....

 

Finally we were through security around 10 p.m and dead tired and hungry by that time.....but then we started behaving like the typical Indians that we are; making phone calls for free from the airport.....it was actually funny the way we made a call and moved to the last position in the queue to make a second round of call.A obviousely had those last minutes talk to do with his girlfriend .....i guess those are very emotional moments and I should not be making fun of those....the cynic that I am becoming!!! Ok so at last we boarded the flight....and reached US after 17 long hours of travelling in a cramped up seat of the Continental Airlines.....Oh and I had nourished some high hopes of getting some real good food on the flight. My hopes were crushed if not totally but atleast 95% and I kept on reminding myself that to get somehting you really have to give something....the sacrifise part of it. I was half hoping to be send back from the Immigration counter at the Newark Airport but to my greatest relief nothing of the sort happened and here was I in the United States of America after defying all the so called prophecies.......yeah!!!

So atlast the long awaited day came.......I had been encouraging ppl in my office from a week back to get enthusiatic about the day.The V-day!!!

 

I listen to Radio- mirchi on my way to the office in the morning and thanx to Nitin i came to know that exactly a week b4 valentine day comez the Rose day.....So being the typical romantic  ( and maybe the wee bit greedy person that i am ) girlie , i went to the office and wished my supervisor and told him that it was Rose Day....hey dont think i was expecting him to give me a rose , he is married and so i imparted him the knowledge with the hope of doing some good in this world....indirectly imparting happiness to his wife maybe....

 

Then went and informed all the newly wed ppl and made sure some eligible bachelors were around when i did so..... My department has only 3 girls and out of them 2 r married, but dnt think i m lucky bcoz of that.Guys can be so damn shy and lazy.....lord save them!

 

The whole of first half passed without me getting any flower forget a rose.....not even a virtual one .....sms or mail.....poor me !!! The 2 married ladies told me that i was informing the wrong ppl meaning the married lot but i explained to them my philosophy - that by this action of mine i was trying to do some good and please god so that he would shower his blessings on me.......the Valentine day was only a week away

 

Then came the valentine day.....my weekend horoscope forcast was telling me that i would get some " unexpected and unusual propositions " and that my valentine day would be a real success!!  So I took special care getting ready for V-Day.....went to the office...got a few compliments ....oh dnt get excited...the compliments were from married males or from females.....very very disappointing.

 

The whole day again passed with nuthin exciting happening except for the small tea-party that we all ladies and girls had in the office.O by the way .....i should be truthful...got a few phone calls and sms from some real cool and sweet friends of mine. At the end of the day...went home....just hoping that some unexpected parcel or courier wud be awaiting me there.....(heights of frustration and mushy romanticism)

 

But I believe allz well tht ends well.........my sweet sis and bro-in-law  decided that valentine day was not only for them and that they shud share and impart some happiness with us ....so they got a soft toy each for me and my younger sis....So that made my day.....I m happy....Who says that Valentine day is for lovers only....its for all ppl who want to enjoy just another day and for ppl like me who like to be pampered all 365 days of the year.

 

My sisters tell me that I m too romantic ( romantic fool )  and shud be a little bit practical and stop day-dreaming ...I usually heed their advice but once in a while i think i m allowed to let myself free and enjoy a whole day of mushiness......

Is any act actually done selflessly in this world ?

I can say about myself that perhaps i have never done any act selflessly.Even when i have donated blood I told myself that i m doing a great selfless act ...saving a life and it somehow made me feel good about myself. i suppose the moment i felt this feeling , it was no longer a selfless act.

When i give a coin to the small famished girl at the traffic light i do that out of pity because i judge myself and feel that if i do not then i m a very hard hearted person.I want to make myself feel good at the end of the day when i go to bed.

When some rich person sets up an orphanage in his family's name ........he does that to do some good for the society because he is a wise person and realises that at the end of the day it will do good for him in some way or the other even if its some " punya" earned and some "paap" lessened.

When some martyr sacrifised his life for his country ...maybe the foremost thot on his mind was .....this is the only way i can save my country and become immortal in the pages of history and in the hearts of people.

When we help our frens ...some where at the back of our mind this thot process works that we wud like to be popular amongst our frens and yes , more importantly we wudnt like to think of ourselves and have ppl talking about us that we are selfish.

 

I really do not know if i m hurting the sentiments of ppl by talking in this manner....maybe i m an ungrateful person who does not acknowledge pplz good actions.But ppl its just a thot .........

.................and i really do not want to believe this.I suppose i m actually a very good person ....and do real selfless acts at times.....

 

 

I ll just put forward a conversation that went on between two of my colleagues during lunch time a few weeks back. Now this lady Mrs S was generally telling us some incidents about her family and kids and this is how it went....

 

Mrs S : The other day vini ( 6 year old daughter ) called me when i was in the office and threatened me that she is leaving the house and going away.

 

( Oh my God ....kids are really smart...a 6 yr old threatening with that!! real smart and intelligent huh?)

 

Mrs S: She was crying terribly and what i could gather from her blabbering was that .....Vini and her frens were supposed to go for a movie and one of her fren's driver was supposed to pick her up and drop her at the theatre.But that driver never turned up and it so happened that she realised that she wud be missing out on all the fun and demanded of me that i shud allow her to take an auto and go for the movie.

 

( Kids are really very smart...hmmm....I think i must have been a real dumb kid :( .....)

 

Mrs S: I had given her Rs 500 for the movie and other stuff so she said that she wud use that money to take an auto and go for the movie .I tried convincing her at first and when she refused to agree with me i called up the maid and told her to take the money away from her and open the door for her to leave the house if she wanted.Now vini realised that she cudnt do anything without the money and quietly came back inside.I told her ....c girl this is my money and i expect u to spend it the way i want u to.Once ur grown up and have money of ur own then i wont mind the way u spend it.

 

Now Mr K who is a young man and quite enjoys living life in a good style objected to this.

 

Mr K: I dont know if i shud be saying this but I too have gone thru the same.My parents always told me that this is our money and u shall spend it the way we want u to so today when i m earning i just dont care about anything and spend money the way i want to .....which i realise at times is not always right.

 

Now by this time we were done with our lunch and had to disperse ......but the thought lingered in my mind.As long as Mrs S was speaking i was quite impressed with the way she handled this issue and admired her for being a real sensible mother.But what Mr K told was not actually wrong......shud the issue have been dealt in a different manner.I m not a parent so cannot really understand a parent's point of view but i somehow felt that whatever a parent does there will always be a few harsh words spoken for that.It must be real difficult.....

 

Actually coming from a small town, the kids of this place are a constant wonder for me.At times i admire them for their smartness and intelligence.At 6, I hardly understud movies or cud handle money of my own.I used to hide behind my parents back when a stranger came to our house and these kids are so smart that they can take an auto and go for a movie alone.They know how to twist and turn their parents around their fingers.....real smart kids....three cheers to them!!! But i m happy that i m not the only one scared of these kids.....one of my frens who also hails from a small town once told me that when she got married she would never make her kids grow up in a big city like delhi where nobody actually cares for the other person's feelings........